chris

It's easier to write when you pretend you're writing to someone

2009-11-08T04:54:43Z

Hi Jess,

Hope things are going well for you. I don’t really even know what you’re doing with yourself right now, come to think about it. Are you in school? That sounds right. Well, let me know.

In a contemplative mood right now. Taking the night off from people—something I don’t get the opportunity to do much lately. Also, I’m listening to You and Me, the newest Walkmen album, and it has a tendency to make me thoughtful.

I’m thinking about my friends, my family, getting “older,” falling in love, how people change as they get older, why it is that they change, and feeling regretful that I can’t seem to feel as passionate about things as I used to.

I don’t really know who my friends are right now. I spend time with a lot of people, but I’m not finding a lot of satisfaction with most of the people I hang out with. Most of them are fine people, but I rarely call anyone—they always call me. I’m kind of in the same situation with women. There’s a girl that I think that I may be in love with, but she’s in Athens, GA for grad school and won’t be back for 18 months. In the meantime I’ve experience unparalleled feats of getting laid, but—surprise—it’s pretty unfulfilling. Somehow I can’t manage to complain about it, but I do occasionally find myself wishing to be fulfilled by human interaction (sexual or otherwise) a little more than I am now.

Maybe the question I’m asking is, “Is this it?”

There was a moment last week when I felt really wonderful: I walked into work, Claire was wiping down the counter, “This Charming Man” was playing, and the café was full of people. The idea of having a sweet young girl working at your shop, listening to The Smiths over the speakers, and seeing people enjoy themselves was really fulfilling. Myself as a teenager was swooning.

I read an article in The New Yorker today about Jonathan Safran Foer’s new book, Eating Animals. The book might be worth reading—I like JSF’s fiction stuff. The article mentions that JSF has toyed with vegetarianism in his life, but when he had a kid he realized that the game had changed. It reiterates the same facts we all know about how animals are treated before being slaughtered, and the question that he asks is “Why are we OK with this?” He argues that there really is no justification to take part in eating meat that way, which is probably true. What we tend to do is eat meat because we want to eat meat and then either pretend like we don’t know the way things are or make up a lame justification. I have to say that he nailed me pretty well.

There are other things, but they’re equally as banal and unexplored in my mind. I’m generally pretty happy—as usual—and that’s another thing that I wonder about: My happiness is part of my general demeanor, and although a lot of things about my personality have changed, that has stuck. It makes me wonder whether my happiness has anything to do with anything that happens to me or if it’s just a part of who I am. And what if it goes away, much like my idealism? My ability to see things as “important,” and the importance, to me, of being in love? I feel like I’m able to compromise so much right now, and I’m not sure if I even believe in a right or a wrong. What you get away with is more tangible to me, and so is indulging your own temporary happiness.

Talk soon.

Love,
Chris

chrisq28 @ 2008-10-02T23:10:00

2008-10-03T04:21:38Z

Yeah, well.

"You still care way too much."

There it is. The words I needed to hear to get me out of this altogether. You know how if you dump someone, you can always imagine, for a time, that they're still out there thinking about you? I bet that's true. Because it has been for me (on the shitty end--to varying degrees), and it fucking sucks.

You can't pretend not to care; you really have to just not care. I hate that message. I don't feel comfortable in this position, and I guess I finally now have the incentive to not feel that way anymore. Probably.

Jesus.

Vicky Cristina Barcelona (2008)

2008-09-13T06:36:06Z

Discussion of the movie's themes, but no real spoilers.

I enjoyed this movie for several reasons. The things I didn't like about it were both objective and personal.

I loved the performances. Javier Bardem was captivating. There's a scene in which he approaches the two girls for a weekend of good food, good wine, and sex, and he was so convincing that I was damn near ready to take him up on his offer. Scarlett Johansson fit her character nicely, and Rebecca Hall (who has done pretty much nothing interesting before) was great. The chemistry between Penelope Cruz and Javier Bardem was intoxicating.

This is a story about the uncertainty of love. How can we ever be sure that we're making the right choice when we fall in love? What if there's something better? What if this isn't enough? At one point Bardem's character says that "Only unfulfilled love is romantic." If it's not true to the letter, it's true to the spirit. The grass is always greener, there could always be something better, and there are no guarantees.

This has actually been on my mind lately, and it brings together two interests of mine (relationships and evolutionary psychology) that meet frequently. Love is part of our evolution. It's there to help us propagate our genes inasmuch as two people, when they're in love, have a vested interest in raising children together. The theory is that children only need to be raised for so long, and as a result, our genes never developed a trait that says that we should partner for life. Our feelings stagnate, we get bored, and something new and different always seems like the cure. It obviously puts us in a bit of a difficult spot, emotionally and with regard to society.

The thing that gives me some hope--for love, for people, for my own future--is that we have a choice. We constantly live outside our own nature, and that's part of the astonishing beauty of being human. One thing that really struck me in VCB is that when things started getting a little weird between Juan Antonio, Maria Elena, and Cristina, they followed their feelings and made a conscious choice to work things out differently, even if it was unconventional. Not everyone will make their choice, but failing our own ability to get through life and relationships based on our nature, it's nice to remember that we have the ability to choose something that will work for us.

Woody Allen's movies lately (Match Point [which I loved] comes to mind) seem to have a certain formula to them. He has an idea that he wants to explore--the unstable nature of love, the role luck plays in the way our lives play out--and he tells a story that illustrates it. At the end, a voice-over concludes the story, and the credits roll. It feels slightly unsatisfying, because the illusion is cracked. An interesting, human, and believable story has just been told, and it's suddenly become a fable, complete with a moral. I disliked the narration--I found it unnecessary, and I felt like the use of it to introduce the characters played the biggest role in forcing it into a fable versus a story.

In interviews, Woody Allen always presents himself as very detached from his work. He insists that the characters he plays aren't him, that the philosophies in the movies aren't beliefs he holds (necessarily), and that he never, ever watches a movie after he finishes the final cut. Oh--and he also doesn't read any press for his films. It's probably not important to have a grasp on Woody Allen's real role in his work ("just" an auteur? playing a personal role in most films? detached enthusiast?), but it's interesting as a viewer to wonder.

The message here is a sad one, but it's displayed so attractively that you barely notice it until the movie ends, and the moral is produced. Worth checking out.

chrisq28 @ 2008-09-04T09:26:00

2008-09-04T14:59:23Z

More things:

LW
Is a girl I was dating as of an hour and a half ago. Bummer. But! I extend my streak of being the dumper, not the dumpee, even if by a technicality.

A weird thing happened with this one. We were both really excited about each other for the first six weeks or so, and then I think something inside her freaked out a little when we went to Marfa. I'm sure it wasn't just Marfa, it was the idea of moving forward as a couple, or maybe I gave her too much, or intimacy, or a host of other bullshit things that people are afraid of. She didn't say anything about it, and it was barely detectable and accompanied by some minor health problems that I chalked her weirdness up to. How is it that I'm the one pandering for information, worrying about her feelings, and more or less being a girl about it. Unfamiliar territory.

Couple weeks pass, minor fuckups ensue, she holds them against me internally, blows me off for a weekend. I try to figure out what's going on, and she claims that she's been "busy with moving," which she kind of was, but isn't the kind of thing that would have happened a week before. (It's worth noting that this is the second case in which a girl moving has been the scene of the demise of our relationship. The other was with ES in August of last year. I guess it's a pretty stressful event.) I worry about it at the gym. I worry about it at the pool. I worry about it at work, hanging out with friends, and while watching stupid season 3 of LOST. It's not that I need her, I just need to know what the fuck, exactly, is going on. I press a little the next day in a kind but firm way, and I get to hear the story of just how deep her fear of commitment is, and once again in this relationship, I feel like I'm the girl. WTF?

She worries about cheating (she's done it in every relationship she's ever had; yikes), she worries that even if we're together, that there's something better out there (ouch), she worries that she can't feel as deeply for me as I could for her. Jesus. The writing's on the wall, but she still says that she doesn't want us to split up. Long talk, long talk, long talk. I leave, go home, go to sleep, and realize:

Why the fuck am I waiting on her?

And I text her the next morning and drop by her house on the way to work and cut the rope. She's just not that into me, and I can deal with that. First time for everything, I guess.

Next.

Uh-huh

2008-08-31T11:21:35Z

Things:

Running two coffee shops
Is going excellent overall. But remember this, kids: At the end of the day, your dream job is still a job. The best parts: Coffee, food, fun staff, fun customers, creativity, problem-solving. The worst part: Hiring, training, I'm always on call. I worked about 18 hours today.

LW
A girl I am dating. Our MySpaces say "single," but our hearts say "I don't know if I should take my MySpace off 'single' yet!" She's quite great. Took a grown-up out-of-town weekend in Marfa together a couple of weeks ago, which was just as much fun as I hoped it would be when I was 13 and awfully romantic.

Meg is back in Austin after three years
And working with me at Clementine. Luckily, she's great, so all is well. She had a Michael Jackson-themed birthday party on Friday, which I did not attend because I thought some employees would be there and I might get drunk and flirt with someone.

I'm up at 6:16 a.m. after an 18-hour work day
Explain that shit, human body.

Self-examination
Rarely takes place when you work a lot. I've been getting better at consolidating the job, but sometimes the job just means you have to be there. Part of sitting up until the early morning is probably about my brain telling me that I need to think, write, be alone, relax a little. I didn't spend seven post-adolescent years (including college) trying to "find myself" just so I could forget what I learned. Am I inquisitive? Generous? Friendly? Interesting? Even-tempered? I think so, but I still need time to recognize myself as those things so I can continue on as them.

A comment by Søren Kierkegaard (via Lan's blog, which, as a credit to mankind, exists as a record):

On the whole, the longing for solitude is a sign that there still is spirit in a person and is the measure of what spirit there is. "Utterly superficial nonpersons and group-people" feel such a meager need for solitude that, like lovebirds, they promptly die the moment they have to be alone. Just as a little child has to be lulled to sleep, so these people need the soothing lullaby of social life in order to be able to eat, drink, sleep, fall in love, etc. In antiquity as well as in the Middle Ages there was an awareness of this longing for solitude and a respect for what it means; whereas in the constant sociality of our day we shrink from solitude to the point (what a capital epigram!) that no use for it is known other than as a punishment for criminals. (64)

God bless America.

chrisq28 @ 2008-03-09T01:59:00

2008-03-09T08:19:06Z

Dear Florida and Michigan,

You don't deserve to be back in the primaries.

Moving on.

Many men find themselves faced with the choice between a woman they respect and a woman they don't respect. (Not necessarily at the same time, but in life.) I don't think well-intentioned men consciously choose a woman they don't respect--they're usually thinking more about getting laid or something. "It just kind of happens that way," and the result is inevitably cheating and mistreatment. A hypothesis: It's worth just skipping the relationships where you don't respect the other person. Don't tell yourself that the other person is "just having fun," like you are, because even if they are at the moment, they'll ultimately be miserable because unless things change and you grow to respect them, you'll treat the other person poorly. That's not fair to the other person, and it ultimately wastes everyone's time.

Note to self: Please remember this next time.

What else:

My grandmother died
The only one I was close to. Still, though, I'm getting over it. I was more concerned on how my dad took it. I think it was hard, as these things often are.

The coffee shop is going well
Record sales today! For the fourth time in two weeks.

Ran into tons of people I know at a KVRX CD-release party tonight
{{{Sunset}}} played, which was soooo enjoyable. They've gotten much better. Saw Jared, Joseph Devins, Sound Team people, etc. Very fun.

Hopefully starting a country band with my sister when she gets back from NZ
Yup. I wanted to call it Honey Don't, but she doesn't seem too keen on the idea.

Had a Rock Band party last night; much success
About 20 people or so. We had a good time, made home-made pizza, played some games, and just had a great time.

I'm disappointed with every other member of my generation in my extended family except for my sister and one of my cousins, more or less
Pregnant and irresponsible, broke, on drugs, violent, whatever. We've got it all--except a college degree, a good job, a loving household . . .

Good night!

Writer's Block: Chinese New Year

2008-02-05T18:00:45Z

Year of the cock!

More updates

2007-11-29T06:28:35Z

I've virtually ceased writing in my private journal, which is where a lot of my, well, private thoughts go. I'm glad to have this record for factual updates and mentions of things that I'm thinking about.

Girls!
Still not too keen on having a girlfriend. Still like to hang out with girls. Result = spending time with an attractive girl who is most likely the most boring person on earth. Boy, did that get old quick. Also, dating another girl from the past who is obviously no good for me. At least I've got my health!

Writing!
I should be doing more of it. I've had some good fiction ideas lately, which I would like to work on. Ideally I would commit to writing X times per week in my blog, or doing X small writing projects per week. I'm just not hermetic enough lately. I think there's got to be a way to do both.

A combination of the two!
I went out to a bar a couple of weeks ago with a friend of mine. We started chatting up two nice girls, and before long one of them revealed that she was "a writer."

"What do you write?" I asked.

"Fiction," she said.

"Journal entries?" my friend guessed.

"Would I have seen your stuff anywhere?" I asked her later in the conversation.

"No," she said. "I'm just a writer by temperament. I smoke a lot of cigarettes, I drink a lot of whiskey, and I'm mean. I have a shitty day job that I don't want to talk about."

That conversation also got old quickly. Is it just me, or is there something pretentious yet amateurish about the whole concept of writing she had going there? Maybe she's an undiscovered gem, but I couldn't get out of there quick enough.

POSTSCRIPT: Later, in another section of the bar, my friend and I chatted up another couple of girls. They both seemed nice, albeit pretty average overall. After a few minutes, the girl my friend was talking to turned to me and the other girl.

"Can you believe he just called me rude!" She seemed shocked but playful.

"Yeah, you're a fucking bitch!" my friend joked. Well, it seemed like he was joking. It was at least a little inappropriate.

"No," the girl said. "Uh-uh." She raised her hand, paused for a second, and then slapped my friend in the face pretty hard.

"Scoot your little ass out of this booth. I'm leaving!"

My friend scooted his ass out of the booth, then I did, and the girls marched away.

That's it for now!

chrisq28 @ 2007-10-16T23:09:00

2007-10-17T04:26:10Z

Well! I haven't posted in a while, and there are updates.

I do an interesting interview with a fellow movie lover
It's here and here, and it's good stuff.

I discover Rick Rolling
Info here.

Work crap continues to go on as usual
Yeah. It's been really slow lately, so I've been obsessing over finding high-end clothes at rock-bottom prices on the Internet, reading articles of interest, working on the fifth bolded heading, and getting through novels. It's getting busier, which I like because (1) the day goes faster and (2) when I work hard I look good.

However, I'm somewhat dissatisfied with what I'm doing overall
I'm ready to make more money. I don't know how that will happen, but I know I can do it. I know that money isn't everything, but I've gotten past some of my issues with it that involve thinking that I will become a greedy backstabbing pig if I can pay all my bills on time and have some cool stuff besides.

I've started a small business as a result
I sell CDs, DVDs, and books on the Internet. I think I have a good business model, and I've already turned a reasonable profit. If I keep reinvesting my profits into my stock, I could be getting into something that could eventually turn into something bigger. I'm very excited! In the meantime, if you're interested in a copy of the Bon Jovi album 7800° Farenheit I'm your man.

Dating continues here and there with few legitimate prospects, which is actually for the best
Get ready for a long section. I was accused of being a serial monogamist recently, which is apparently a bad thing. I had to think about this a bit. I like dating; I'm a dating kind of guy. I know what I want right now, and in every relationship that was doomed from the start, I knew what I was getting into. I do it for the company, and the experience, and because I like people. Sex used to be a bigger part of it than it is now. Somehow I just see this as being who I am, no more, no less. But hearing "serial monogamist" in conjunction with a sour face made me wonder if getting into these doomed STRs does me more harm than good. I'm not too conflicted over the whole deal, but I think maybe it'd be a good idea for me to hold off on dating, focus on my own development, and resurface for air in a couple months.

My feeling on marriage shift wildly, correlating with my close friends' (good God) divorces
My (excuse me) BFF filed a couple months ago. Then a friend from the past resurfaced and told me about his divorce. Another friend is currently visiting from out of town; he brought with him the news that he and his wife are separated. There are a lot of different perspectives that come with these stories--everything from "I'll never do it again" to "Marriage doesn't seem so socially necessary anymore"--but they're all pretty dismal. Add my recent breakup (and the accompanying philosophizing) to the mix, and you're looking at a fella with a bleak outlook on lifelong relationships.

Enter my mom. My parents have a great relationship, and after nearly 30 years they seem to continue to surpass new and deeper levels of love and acceptance for one another. What she described sounds awesome. And I definitely want me some of that--someday. For now I'm simply too selfish, too immature, and too impatient to make a commitment like that. Let's say that I'm open to the idea, but I've got my guard up for now.

That's it for now.

Vote for me

2007-08-28T04:07:21Z

I recorded, produced (poorly), and posted a song for Songfight! here.

Please give it a listen (by clicking my name, Chris Cusack) and vote for me!

Other good entries are from Steve Durand, and a hilarious one from "DJ Big Dick."

On Soderbergh

2007-08-19T18:26:55Z

Some Steven Soderbergh movies I've seen this month: The Underneath, The Limey, Schizopolis, Full Frontal

There are two dividing lines with Soderbergh's movies. First and more significantly, there are his pet projects (like Full Frontal, Bubble, Schizopolis, and, arguably, The Good German), which were made with a certain process or aesthetic in mind. In Full Frontal, for example, there was a list of "rules" that Soderbergh instituted, among them being that the stars were given no trailer, no catering, no makeup, and the actors could be filmed from the moment they drove up to the shooting site. He made the whole thing for $2 million. It was only pretty good. The point is, though, that these movies of his aren't only about the result, but also about the process (and in the case of Bubble, distribution). The other side of that line are his "commercial" movies--most obviously the Oceans series ($185 million for the first one alone). Others of that kind are Erin Brockovich, Traffic, Out of Sight, and Solaris. These were obviously made to be more commercially and critically successful--that is, they were made for a wider audience than his pet projects.

The other dividing line for Soderbergh is chronological. I think there's a distinct line that separates his more realized films from those that are more experimental. That line is probably around 2000, with Erin Brockovich. The films after 2000 haven't exactly been all commercial and/or critical successes (The Good German was interesting, but got very mixed reviews [32% on Rotten Tomatoes]), but there's a lot more hitting than missing since 2000 than there was before. Both The Underneath and The Limey felt like "interesting" ideas that were executed with a touch of pretension, which is arguably the problem with The Good German.

I don't think Soderbergh has ever directed a bad movie. From the commentary I've heard him do in his films (and others--like The Battle of Algiers and The Third Man), reading the shooting script to Sex, Lies, reading interviews, and checking out DVD extras, I think he must be the biggest film geek/director out there. He has an immense movie knowledge, and his love of film comes across in every movie he makes.

House, Rels, Songs

2007-08-13T07:24:48Z

Anywhoodle.

Sure I haven't posted anything on this blog in four+ months! Sure my profile picture is from like 2005!

I just moved into a house recently--off 51st and Berkman, if you're interested. Behind that big new shopping center on I-35 with the Best Buy. (Speaking of which, there are now three Best Buy stores on 35. That seems like a lot.) The house is nice, and we're (Lan and me) moving along in getting it set up. There's just a lot of stuff--books, movies, CDs, mostly.

ES and I broke up, and it sucks. But "it's for the best," as they say. I don't plan on spending a lot of time writing about this on the Internet, so that's as good a summary as any for now.

Speaking of relationships, our breakup has led to a bunch of discussions (with other people) about relationships, and they've left me with a very mixed view of marriage. My best friend is likely to get divorced in the next few months, another friend is getting married, and in the meantime, I'm reading articles about couples counseling in the damn New York Times Magazine that aren't much help. My boss has been married for 22 years, and says that it's the easiest thing she's ever done, which makes me feel awesome, truthfully. My parents are still happily married, but have both said that it's a lot of work. Some people say if you pick the "right" person, it's a breeze, while others say that you'll have the same fight for the duration of your marriage, but if you're lucky it won't be about religion or sex or some other major issue. In any case, at least now I know that I probably won't be ready for a while. But I suppose I should just cross that bridge when I get to it.

I've been writing and recording a lot of music lately. It's been really fun, and I'm hoping to submit a song to the website Song Fight! this week. The basic idea is that the site gives a song title and people write a song to fit it and then vote. If I get it submitted in time, I'll try to persuade the two people who may read this to vote for it. The song this week is to be called "Thank God for Memphis," although they're not always so country--last week it was "So Weird." I wrote one for "So Weird," but didn't have time to submit. I wrote one for "Thank God . . . " also, and I'm pretty excited about it.

Since it's like 2:30 a.m. and I have work tomorrow I'll go ahead and consider this a sufficient post. Night!

chrisq28 @ 2007-05-01T19:38:00

2007-05-02T01:04:50Z

I checked out using torrents a couple of years ago when they were first getting hot, and didn't find that much that I was interested in. But a few weeks ago, Lan mentioned that he found Hearts of Darkness, a documentary about the filming of Apocalypse Now, on a torrent. This is a documentary that isn't even available on DVD, so I got to looking at what else I could find. And pretty much every album I've ever wanted is available.

I do buy music (more than I should, probably), but I think torrents/downloading stuff is very useful in that it exposes me to music that I otherwise wouldn't buy anyway. For example, the new Arctic Monkeys album is something that I'm interested in, but probably wouldn't buy. But now that I've listened to it I've decided that I'm going to buy it.

A few years ago in college I was doing a lot of downloading on Limewire/Kazaa, and doing the same thing--buying what I liked, and leaving what I didn't to take up space on my hard drive. Lan said that I was probably the recording industry's biggest enemy, in that I actually do what people who download music always say they do (and are probably lying about). In any case it's great to be able to check out lots more music on my own terms.

Some very good recent albums:

- Feist, The Reminder
- Charlotte Gainsbourg, 5:55
- At least three of the newly remastered Sly & The Family Stone albums: Life, Stand!, There's a Riot Goin' On

-------

Let's see . . . movies . . . I've seen a lot of them lately, but not as many as I have in the past. (Only 20 this month, actually--I've been keeping track, which is a fun thing to do.)

In the theater: Grindhouse was even more fun than I hoped it would be; The Hoax was quite good, but not amazing; The Lives of Others was probably deserving of the Oscar, even though I haven't seen everything else nominated.

DVD: The Prodigal Son is probably the best kung-fu movie ever made, seriously; Burden of Dreams, the documentary on the making of Fitzcarraldo, made me love that film even more; Happy Together and Fallen Angels confirmed, again, that Wong-Kar Wai is a genius; Children of Men is one of the best movies of 2006; Tokyo Story includes possibly the most moving scene in a movie I've ever seen; Gangs of New York was incredibly sub-par, especially for Scorsese; The Conversation was incredible--raises the stakes for Coppola's upcoming Youth Without Youth; Barry Lyndon was beautiful but seemingly pointless.

Also seen: Chariots of Fire, All About My Mother, Fiend Without a Face, The Last Detail, other stuff

-------

Work is going OK; it's slowing down some, and I still work with idiots, but people are getting used to it, so not as much is going wrong.

Things are quite good with ES. We've had some ups and downs lately, but ultimately I'm very happy to be in this relationship, and I think there's a real future with her.

My 17-year-old cousin IH has been a terror with his parents lately. He got arrested a few weeks ago, stayed in juvenile for ten days, and ultimately got sent home. His mom says he's still acting like a dick, but his pee tests say he's not smoking pot, and he's got a job that he's been working hard at. I'd like to help him out, but I don't know what else there is to do for him other than to let his dumb ass grow up a little.

My air-conditioner is stuck, and I can't turn it off. Since I'm never here, this bothers me, since energy prices are ridiculous. My last bill was only $30; I don't want to get stuck paying like $80 for something I never use.

I'm out.

chrisq28 @ 2007-03-26T22:53:00

2007-03-27T04:13:13Z

Here are some random pictures:

Kwanzaa Cookies at my parents's Christmas party. Liberal? You bet!

The next five = pictures from Lake Tahoe, CA over Spring Break.

God bless America.

Emily and me on the way home from Houston this weekend. Bluebonnets = picture opportunity. Same for the next two.

Movies, movies, movies

2007-03-05T23:12:35Z

I wasn't feeling well this weekend, so I watched all these movies plus a couple more. Sad, really.

Being There (1979)

Spoiler alert--if you haven't seen this, skip to the second paragraph.

I've only seen one other Hal Ashby movie--Harold and Maude is the other one--but based on the two I've seen, I wonder why his movies aren't talked about more. This one in particular. Being There stars Peter Sellers as Chance, a simple-minded gardener in a Washington, D.C. estate. He wears the boss's old tailored suits, speaks quietly and pleasantly, loves television, and can't read or write. When the head of household dies, the house is closed and Chance has to leave. While walking the streets, a limousine accidentally backs up into him, injuring his legs. The patron of the limousine is Eve (Shirley MacLaine), who takes Chance home to see the doctor who cares for her dying husband, Ben. On the way there, she mishears his name as "Chauncey Gardner," a blueblood name if there ever was one, and it sticks after she introduces him to household. Through sheer luck and excellent scriptwriting, Chauncey is mistaken for a wise and dry-humored investor, when he is actually just repeating stock phrases, smiling and nodding, and talking about gardening. The new old man takes a shine to him, and introduces him to the POTUS when he comes to visit. Chauncey's affect on the president is similar, and after the president mentions his name in a speech, it's on the lips of everyone in town. When he's asked to be on a chat show, his sound-bite statements make for good TV, and everyone heralds him as a genius. As Ben's end grows nearer, he asks Chauncey to be his heir, and to take care of both his estate and his wife.

This is a great under-viewed movie, mostly due to Peter Sellers and Hal Ashby, but it's not perfect. There are a couple of pointless and ridiculous sex-themed subplots that should have ended up on the editing floor, and I think there were one or two times where they could have skipped the accidentally perfect dialogue between Chauncey and some high-society type. But this movie is also more than just an amazing performance and very good writing--it's a telling satire of the visual and superficial world we live in. Chauncey's gardenspeak works perfectly in a conversation about economic recovery, and he's never prodded to reveal anything substantial about his thoughts. When he's asked by a publicist to write a book, he replies "I can't write."

"Who can?" says the publicist. "We'll give you a six-figure advance and hire the best ghostwriter around. Proofreaders, editors, anything you need."

"I can't read," says Chauncey.

"Who has the time?" says the publicist.

Once Upon a Time in America (1984)

The best movie about Prohibition-era organized crime out there. (The only other one I can think of is The Untouchables, actually.) A bunch of Jewish kids in New York grow up stealing and pickpocketing drunks, get into organized crime, develop relationships with girls, take advantage of Prohibition and start bootlegging, and kill people. Goes back and forth between 1917, 1933, and 1967. Stars Robert DeNiro, James Woods, Joe Pesci, and an extremely hot Elizabeth McGovern. (Also Jennifer Connelly, who at 12 was the spitting image of Elizabeth McGovern when she was 24.)

Sure, the only version that should be watched of this (the one I'm writing about now--the original American version had an hour and a half cut out of it) is four hours long and skips forward and backward in time, and has terrible anachronisms, and it's sometimes hard to figure out what's going on in the movie (Sergio Leone directed it, isn't that part of his style?)--but it's still really good. I think I can safely say that I've seen every post-1970 gangster movie.

The Lady Eve (1941)

Barbara Stanwyck plays an excellent grifter. She's sexy, she's clever, and she's greedy. But she also plays an excellent romantic--she's trusting, lovable, and honest. Henry Fonda plays an sincere young ale-heir who can't resist her charms. He falls in love with her, and as these things go, she realizes halfway through the scam that she's in love with him too. She decides to call it off and come clean, but it's too late. Fonda's bodyguard finds out her secret and exposes her, forcing Fonda to call off their engagement.

The real twist to this movie is when Stanwyck decides to pull the scam again. She doesn't change her hair or her appearance, but puts on a phony accent, and comes to Fonda's house for a dinner party. Fonda again falls in love and she falls in love again back. Preston Sturges plays a real balancing act with the whole film. How can a scam artist be trusted? How can a love scene be funny without losing its romance? I'm not sure I can answer that, but watching The Lady Eve shows that it can be done.

Aguirre: The Wrath of God (1972)

Werner Herzog's early film about Spain's search for the legendary city of El Dorado in 1561. The film was made on a small budget and with a stolen camera, but it's brilliant no matter how you watch it. With the benefit of post-modernism, this can be viewed at times as a satire. The blood looks really fake, there is often water on the camera, and many of the actors are terrible. But depending on how hip or jaded you are, this could also be viewed as an earnest and meaningful look at a band of outsiders who came to conquer a land, but were killed by both the natives and their own inability to work together. In either case, Klaus Kinski plays a madman hellbent on finding riches and conquering a new world. Includes two amazing scenes--one in which Aguirre (Kinski) lectures the remaining crew on the consequences and benefits of respectively leaving and staying in the group, and the final scene which finds Aguirre delusional on the raft surrounded by monkeys. Good first start if you have any interest in Herzog, which you should.

Absolute Power (1997)

Clint Eastwood directs a film about an old gem thief who secretly witnesses a lethal dose of executive orders. He's got the president by the jewels, but will he be able to make it out alive when the president exercises Absolute Power?

Weak, but has promising moments. You can see Eastwood visiting themes that he sharpens later with Mystic River and Million Dollar Baby. Maybe I've been spoiled by The West Wing, but a lot of the stuff that occurs in this movie in the Oval Office and around the president (almost the whole movie) seems so cartoonish and unrealistic that my disbelief dropped to the floor. With Laura Linney as Eastwood's hot long-lost daughter. (Am I the only one who has a huge crush on her?)

Badlands (1972)

Shocked me out of the familiarity of associating Martin Sheen with the office of the president. (Yup, another West Wing reference. Sorry.) Sheen plays a James Dean lookalike named Kit, and Sissy Spacek (brilliant here as the naive Southern teenager--a similar role to the one she played in the stupendous 3 Women) his much-younger girlfriend Holly. Sheen knocks off her father after he refuses to allow him to see her, and the two go on the run from West Virginia toward the badlands of Montana.

The movie doesn't moralize on any of the murders that take place on that trip, which I think is for the best. It portrays a couple of ignorant kids, unable to see murder as an evil rather than an inconvenience (From the script: "[Kit] claimed that as long as you're playing for keeps and the law is coming at you, it's considered okay to shoot all witnesses. You had to take the consequences, though, and not whine about it later."). The weird thing is how likable Kit comes off, not only to the audience, but to the other characters as well. Worth watching not only for the pop culture value (copied a lot by Tarantino, Thelma and Louise, etc.), but for the pure enjoyment of the movie. Very solid.

Dial M for Murder (1954)

Both Rope and Dial M could be performed as plays. Both are about the perfect murder, and both are chamber pieces with small casts. Hitchcock's brilliance is in many things, but in this movie it's in somehow making the audience root for the murderer. Or, if not the murderer, the perfect murder.* A man finds that his wealthy wife is being unfaithful. He sets up a plan and executes it, but it doesn't go as planned. As he adapts to each turn, he gets closer and closer to and then further and further from being caught. Knowing the truth without the characters not knowing the truth is where the thrill lies. Grace Kelly's isn't as alluring as she is in Rear Window, but she's still alluring. Second-tier Hitchcock, but that means it's still great overall.

*For more of this theme, watch Woody Allen's Match Point. Very good stuff.

Work stuff

2007-02-23T03:43:51Z

I was promoted about five months ago, and a couple months after that I began coordinating a major project that is kicking everyone's ass. I've been staying late over the last month or so to take care of it, which has helped the project, but lately I find that I spend some time thinking about work when I'm at home, or doing other stuff, or trying to go to sleep.

Last night I found it really difficult to get to sleep, partly because it was hot (how do you start a week at 45 degrees and have it be 80 by Wednesday?), but partly because I kept trying to restructure the project in my mind, like one of those travel puzzles where one piece is missing. It's an apt comparison--this company has all the pieces it needs to make things work, but it's as if all the people who decide where the pieces should go have been struck with stupidity. I had some valuable thoughts, I think, and I've been recognized by other players in this project for having and implementing good ideas, but I definitely don't think I'm getting paid enough to be shouldering the work that I do. My boss has mentioned that she's worried that I'm going to run myself into the ground, but I wonder if that's the case. I don't feel like I'm being driven by anything else but my own desire to see things done right, and if it's internal motivation, it seems like the worst that could happen would be that the internal motivation dries up, and I figure out how little I can get away with while keeping my job.

An intriguing product of all this internal motivating is that I may find myself gaining some upward mobility from it. A couple of other departments related to this project have mentioned being interested in me in a better position, which is kind of nice to hear. It's at least good to use as leverage for more money somewhere around here. Someone said to me the other day that they thought I would make a good manager. "God, I hope not," I said. I'm hoping to cast my ballot for Barack Obama while attending a nice American studies program somewhere.

Which isn't a bad segue into mentioning that Obama is speaking tomorrow in Austin at Auditorium Shores at 2:00 p.m. Incredible news--over 16,000 people have already RSVP'd the event. How awesome is that?

When I asked my boss if I could leave early tomorrow and I told her why, she said yes, then she shook her head somewhat sadly. "That's silly," she said. "What do you mean?" "Do we really need another martyr?" she asked. I gave her a confused look. "Auditorium Shores is a fairly wide open place," she said.

I can think of a dozen stupid reasons why any given person would say "That's silly" in response to a mention of an Obama rally, but his assassination was probably like 78th on that list.

Anyway, go to his website to sign up--I'm sure I'll cry.

chrisq28 @ 2007-01-27T13:04:00

2007-01-27T19:19:21Z

The Naked Spur, 1953

Jimmy Stewart as a Civil War-era bounty-hunting rancher is kind of a stretch, but there are so many great things about this movie that I can forgive schlocky dialogue and overly earnest acting. The story is, at least in some ways, the blueprint for the awesome Simpsons episode, "Three Men and a Comic Book," the one where Bart, Milhouse, and Martin all buy Radioactive Man #1 and jealousy and greed leads to ruin. The SNPP website doesn't agree with me on that, so maybe it's just a timeless tale. In any case the story goes like this:

Jimmy Stewart runs into an old goldminer in his search for a wanted man. They team up, and along the way come across a dishonorably discharged Union soldier. The three find the criminal, tie him up, and plan to spit the $5,000 reward money. The criminal uses every opportunity to drive suspicion into his captors--using greed, jealousy, and his hot girlfriend, Janet Leigh (the girl from Psycho), to get away.

Highly recommended if you like Westerns at all, which you should.

See also: The Good, the Bad, and the Ugly, The Searchers, Shane, High Noon

chrisq28 @ 2006-11-10T00:05:00

2006-11-10T06:05:20Z

From a letter I wrote:

I watched Eraserhead earlier tonight. I was totally taken in while watching it--shocked, disgusted, engaged--but I realized just how incredible it is in the hours after I saw it. I started feeling really awful--thinking bad thoughts, feeling anxious, etc.--and for a few hours I started wondering if I was beginning to get depressed. I went to the gym and thought more bad thoughts while listening to TV on the Radio, which didn't help, but then when I switched to Tribe Called Quest I started feeling much, much better--it felt like a minor miracle. I talked to ES [a girl I'm seeing] for about half an hour about the movie and all that stuff, and talking about it made those bad feelings seem like they were in the distant past, as if the experience had happened to someone else instead of me. I'm glad I was able to reconcile all that so quickly, but even when I was grumpy I kind of reveled in it. I feel bad so rarely that it's kind of nice to indulge in those feelings every now and then.

More movies

2006-11-06T01:37:08Z

Enron: The Smartest Guys in the Room, 2005

Film is a tricky medium for factual information, because the combination of images, selectively chosen information, photographs, and voice-overs can and frequently does lead to a misunderstanding of the facts, such as they are. Documentaries can be good for audiences who already have a basic understanding of the topic being explored, but going into a documentary with a clean slate can be dangerous. Every time I watch a documentary, I have to keep in mind to watch it with the understanding that, if the subject is one I want to explore more, the film is only one source.

That said, this documentary was captivating and informative, however I imagine it would be hard to make the biggest corporate scandal in America's history a boring tale. The film-makers had seemingly reliable sources, and since it was based on the book by the Fortune writer who was involved in the Enron story from the beginning, there were plenty of details and anecdotes to make it extremely juicy. I definitely want to learn more.

Blow Up, 1966

Michaelangelo Antonioni's first English-language film is an abstract piece about a mod photographer who captures a murder on film accidentally. His lead man is a sought-after fashion photographer, and is constantly surrounded by beautiful, albeit superficial people. Antonioni seems to be saying that mod hipster life isn't all it's cracked up to be, but I never saw any real consequences to orgies and pot parties. They're treated more with a disgusted frown than anything else. Antonioni also questions the nature of reality, a theme that doesn't really become clear until the end. Some strong scenes stand out, like when the photographer discovers what he's photographed and the orgy scene, but overall I didn't really feel engaged by much of what Antonioni was saying.

A Place in the Sun, 1951

Montgomery Clift and an absolutely gorgeous Elizabeth Taylor star in George Stevens's 1951 classic. Clift is George Eastman, broke but the nephew of a billionaire, who is given a position at his uncle's factory with the intention of promotion. He meets a sweet but plain girl there, and they begin going steady secretly. Elizabeth Taylor, as Angela Vickers is treated very kindly by Stevens's eye; every close-up is accompanied by a swelling orchestra and a somewhat fuzzy lens. George, naturally, falls in love with her the minute he sees her.

As George moves up the corporate ladder, Angela falls for him, too, and soon the sweet but plain is replaced with the rich and gorgeous. The only trouble is that the old one is carrying George's baby, and she's out to make trouble if he doesn't do right by her. It's a recipe for tragedy, but what makes this movie excellent is the way the tragedy occurs, and the way the story unfolds as a result. Great performances all around. Highly recommended.

Smoke, 1995

Paul Auster was my main motivation in checking this one out. He wrote the screenplay, which was directed by Wayne Wang (of Joy Luck Club fame). William Hurt is a writer named Paul Benjamin whose life is saved by a young kid named Rashid in New York City. Rashid gets involved in Benjamin's life, and both of their worlds come together in a unique way. With Forrest Whittaker and Harvey Keitel, as the cigar-store owner that much of the action centers around.

It's a compelling story, is fun to watch, and has an excellent cast, but something about it makes me think it would have simply been better as a short-story rather than a film. It's probably just because I know Auster's work as a novelist that I recognized it so clearly, but his dialogue often tried to tell the story in a way that set details or the words not spoken usually do in the case of more experienced screenwriters. Life-affirming and enjoyable nevertheless.

Claire's Knee, 1971

Another excellent erotic French movie. Part of Eric Rohmer's "Six Moral Tales," the film tells the story of Jerome, a man on a pre-wedding holiday. His love for his fiance is unwavering, but he is experienced in the ways of women, and finds it impossible not to toe the line when he meets his neighbor's two teenage daughters in the guise of playing a muse for his visiting friend, a writer. One of the girls is outwardly interested in him, but he does his best to keep the relationship quasi-platonic. The sister, Claire, however, is another story. She's stunning, for starters--one of only a few actresses that I've seen that have literally made me sit up and take notice¹--and she keeps herself clearly out of Jerome's reach. In an unconscious compromise with himself that allows him to stay faithful to his fiance and bring contact with Claire into the realm of possibility, he becomes obsessed with her knee. It's a gorgeous knee, to be sure, and soon Jerome sets a plan in action that he hopes will allow him to fulfill his desire to caress it and set himself free from other women as he moves toward marriage.

I have to admit that there were times where I simply didn't believe Jerome really cared about being faithful to his wife. I wondered several things: Would Jerome have been so infatuated with Claire (or her knee) if she had been as available as her sister? (That is, Are looks everything?) If he was equally as infatuated with her and he had the opportunity, would he have just tossed aside propriety and had his way with her? Was serving as inspiration for a story really just an elaborate excuse to get involved with teenage girls? Other critics didn't seem to have a problem taking Jerome's dialogue at face value, so maybe these questions are really more reflective of me than the movie. In any case, they made this strange moral tale much more engaging. Highly recommended.

¹For the record, others include Grace Kelly (esp. in Rear Window), Carole Bouquet in That Obscure Object of Desire, and Scarlett Johanssen in Match Point.

1/3 of the movies I've seen recently

2006-09-16T17:54:26Z

8 1/2, (1963)

Federico Fellini's movie about making movies. The movie is shot in black and white, and is filmed as both a dream and reality, with the two overlapping at times. Guido, an Italian movie director, is having trouble getting his next picture made. Advisers hate his script, producers think it won't sell, and to top it all of, he's having health problems. Guido's doctor orders him to go to a spa to relax, but it seems like the spa hurts more than it helps. His mistress shows up, followed by his wife, followed by countless industry people, and he seems to be at peace. With a wondefully egotistical dream sequence.

This is necessary viewing for any movie fan--see if you can count the many, many influences on other movies.

Stardust Memories, (1980)

Woody Allen's 8 1/2. A number of the scenes are taken directly from 8 1/2, and the basic storyline is completely co-opted. Allen plays Sandy Bates, a movie director who is having trouble getting his next movie off the ground. He's invited to a weekend to review his films, where fans and media-types can pick his brain. "Why don't you make funny movies anymore?" the always-ugly fans ask him. Allen, like Guido, is also having women troubles, with his wife and his girlfriend at the weekend, neither of whom are really happy. Also like 8 1/2, the film is shot half in reality and half in a dream, most apparent in the scene where aliens come to earth and give Sandy advice.

Roger Ebert said this was too narcissistic to be good. Pauline Kael said that "It's not funny. And not only that, it's not good." Other critics are pretty divided on the movie, although it does get a favorable rating on Rotten Tomatoes. I for one really enjoyed it, on a personal level more than an objective level. This is the second Allen film I've felt that way about--the other being Husbands and Wives. It's odd--it's as if I know the movies are flawed, but I can't help myself but really loving them. He may be the only director I feel that way about. It is incredibly narcissistic, but that's part of why I like it. And I think it's quite funny.

Sleeper, (1973)

"A love story about two people who hate each other." Miles Monroe (Woody Allen) is cryogenically frozen in 1973 and wakes up 200 years later to find out that America is a dictatorship. He's inducted by the discovering doctors to join the Underground, who has plans to overthrow the Leader, as he is the only person in the country who can't be traced. With Luna Schlosser (Diane Keaton), a poet with a PhD in oral sex, he infiltrates the depths of the power structure, and attempts to topple the regime.

This is pure comedy. Slapstick, one-liners, and explosions all make this totally unpretentious and very funny. Sleeper, Roger Ebert says, is the movie that revealed Woody Allen as one of America's greatest comedy directors. One of the best comedies I've seen.

3 Women, (1977)

Robert Altman's amazing dreamlike film about Southern California, femininity, and relationships. Pinky Rose (Sissy Spacek) and Millie Lammoreaux (Shelly Duval) are two women working in a rehab center for the elderly, while trying to make the best of living in a SoCal town that seems only to have their place of employment, a bar, and a crummy singles apartment complex. Pinky admires Millie, Millie is stuck in a deluded fantasy world of Woman's Day magazine and recipes organized by preparation time.

The first half of the film is dedicated to showing the kind of life the two women lead. It's a depressing life, and Altman does a wonderful job of mixing the comedy and tragedy of these two women's lives. The third woman enters the picture when Pinky and Millie show up at the local bar. Willie is the co-owner, and she spends her time painting bizarre murals. As the film progresses, disaster strikes, and from then on personalities change, relationships are altered, and nothing seems to make sense. I tried and tried to figure out exactly what happens, but piecing it through logically hasn't helped. Just being absorbed in the movie gave me a wonderful sense of what happened, and it truly does feel like a dream. This is an amazing film--it's near the top of my list.

Jules et Jim, (1962)

Francois Truffaut's 1961 film about a bizarre love triangle, between two charismatic young men, and one inimitable and elusive young woman. The film takes place over the course of 20 years or so, and as a result is partly about innocence lost. The role of Catherine was played by Jeanne Moreau, who did an amazing job as the unattainable, slightly schizophrenic but always charismatic young woman.

If you love films, watch this one and watch it soon. It has both an infectious joy and a heart-breaking sadness that very rarely comes across.

chrisq28 @ 2006-08-25T00:09:00

2006-08-25T05:24:50Z

With the high frequency of movie-watching that I've been doing lately, I've felt a lot of awe and humility in watching truly great stories and ideas made real. I'm no movie maker, but my feelings force me to imagine what exactly I want to do with myself, how I'm going to make an affect on the world, and what steps I need to make to do what I want to do.

Most of my story and essay ideas aren't incredibly original or interesting. That's something that obviously doesn't make me feel great, but I'm OK with for now--mainly because I know that I'm relatively young, inexperienced, and not a genius, unfortunately.

One thing that makes me feel a little better about these feelings is that when I do have an idea for a short essay or an idea for a story or a comic strip or something, I just do it, and I do it because I like it. With any professional career, a level of commodification enters, and it stops becoming an expression of a feeling or yourself, and it becomes a project that has to be compromised, formed, and reformed with the addition of collaborators and audiences. It may be a cop-out to say this, but being an amateur at whatever it is you're interested in can be a luxury.

More movies

2006-08-22T06:01:16Z

The Boondock Saints (1999)

I watched 12 minutes of this smug, derivative clunker and decided I couldn't waste my time on it. In the debate of people who like this movie and people who think they are better than everyone else, put me on the latter side.

Zelig (1981)

Great-era Woody Allen mockumentary. Zelig is a human chameleon in the jazz era, who physically changes characters when around other people. His shrink (Mia) thinks it's all in his head. They fall in love, he gets cured, goes missing, has crazy adventures, and they become the darling couple of the 20s. I liked this, but I can't muster the same enthusiasm that some reviewers have ("His best film!" etc.). It lacks the poignancy and bite that my favorites of his have, but that's not the point of this one anyway. It's just charming fun.

The Purple Rose of Cairo (1985)

Mia Farrow is a Depression-era waitress with a crappy husband who uses the movies as a means of escape. A supporting but charismatic character from one of her favorite films comes to life and they fall in love. Again, very solid, but for me still hovers somewhere after or around the top-ten cutoff--maybe I'm spoiled by watching all his masterpieces first. I particularly like the way he dealt with the reaction to the film coming to life.

Serpico (1973)

Sidney Lumet/Al Pacino. Pacino plays the title role in the real-life story of Serpico, a cop in New York who refuses to go crooked. Lumet and Pacino (especially) do a good job of making this a character piece, not a piece about fast-paced cop action. Very good.

Network (1976)

Going on kind of a Sidney Lumet kick, but this is the last of his big ones, I think. The others: Serpico, 12 Angry Men, Dog Day Afternoon.

On Saturday I told a friend that TV news is designed for sensationalism--this movie underlines the sentiment. It's kind of a satire at times, but takes itself seriously enough not to go all the way over the top. Faye Dunaway is sexy, there are some very powerful monologues, and watching it made me glad I don't watch TV news.

chrisq28 @ 2006-08-15T22:20:00

2006-08-16T03:21:05Z

Well, my Dell laptop battery barely didn't need to be recalled. If you have a Dell laptop, you might as well check and see if yours does: Dell Battery Program

Some movies I've seen recently

2006-08-14T03:12:05Z

City Lights, 1931

Arguably Charlie Chaplin's most famous film. Chaplin plays The Little Tramp, a poor but polite man who falls in love with a blind flower girl, who is also poor. The Tramp saves a drunken millionaire from committing suicide one night and befriends him. Through a series of events, the Tramp manages to earn the money to pay for the flower girl's surgery that will allow her to see again. The last scene is one of the most moving that I've seen.

Excellent. Funny, smart, and moving. A movie that has both the seltzer-water-in-the-face gag and the potential to make audiences cry is OK in my book.

Silent, and in black and white.

Oldboy, 2003

Takes place in Seoul, South Korea. A man is mysteriously kidnapped one night and kept imprisoned for 15 years. When he is released, he is given five days to find the truth about why he was kidnapped and to take revenge on his captors. Violent as hell.

Quite good, but maybe overvalued by some viewers and reviewers. The plot seemed convoluted at times; each time more twists were added I didn't feel like the movie was gaining any depth, just becoming more complicated for no reason. There are some amazing fight scenes, and watching the protagonist get his revenge is satisfying for a while.

A Night at the Opera, 1935

The Marx Brothers get involved in some hijinx on a luxury cruise and at the opera. Groucho represents a wealthy dowager who wants to give to the opera. For a fee, he takes the dowager to New York on a cruise ship, while Chico and Harpo tag along, hoping to represent their friend, Allan Jones, who plays a backup role in the opera. They find trouble when they run into the head of the opera and the lead tenor, who try to foil their plans.

I understand that this is supposed to be one of the best Marx Brothers movies, but I found A Night in Casablanca (the only other one of their movies I've seen) a little sharper. Some of the jokes didn't hit as hard, but one that did hit hard for sure was the scene in the crowded stateroom. Wonderful. I'm looking forward to Duck Soup next.

Solaris, 1972

Andrei Tarkovsky's unique science fiction film about human desire. Kris Kelvin, a psychologist, visits the planet Solaris in the future to see what has become of the crew who originally went to explore it. When he arrives, he finds that the ocean there is a living entity with the ability to sense and manifest the desires of humans on the planet. Kelvin's wife appears, and Kris and the other members of the crew try to understand more about the planet while wrestling with their own desires.

This is the first Tarkovsky film I've seen, but I understand it's supposed to have a lot of similar themes to his other films. This is very much a film of ideas and themes. Tarkovsky plays with time, color, and space to great effect. By the end, he raises a lot more questions than he answers. Very good.

My Dinner with Andre, 1981

Another ideas movie. Wallace Shawn and Andre Gregory are two estranged friends meeting for dinner for the first time in years. The film consists entirely of the conversation the two have over dinner. Andre has has an interesting few years spending time outside normal society working with acting and unique and interesting cultures, while "Wally," as Andre calls him, is struggling to make his plays a success. Andre has huge questions about life, morality, society, and other trappings, but Wally just seems happy with what is in front of him.

This is a very interesting movie, one I would recommend to anyone interested in movies as a field of study, and even to those who may just have questions about things, or like to overhear people talk about things important to them. It certainly made me think.

Miller's Crossing, 1990

An early Coen brothers movie about 1930s gangsters. Tom Regan (Gabriel Byrne) is an adviser to a local crime boss. The boss has been making bad decisions lately, mostly a result of being gaga over a girl, who Tom knows isn't worth it. A competing gangster wants a little more action, and two or three double-crosses later, dead bodies are stacking up, and Tom's right in the middle of it. Things aren't spelled out clearly all the time, but most twists become understood when we see the resulting reactions of sometimes unseen actions. Very well shot, very violent, and serves up the black humor that the Coens are notorious for.

This is a very good movie, maybe my third-favorite by the Coen brothers (the first two being The Big Lebowski and Fargo--number four is O Brother). It's dark and intense, with good performances, frightening moments, and a plot that kept me deeply interested.

Strangers on a Train,1951

Guy Haines, an up-and-coming tennis player meets a very forward man named Bruno on a train with an intimate knowledge of Guy's life. Guy is stuck in a dilemma with his wife, who was caught cheating on him. He wants to divorce her so he can marry his new sweetheart. Bruno has troubles of his own with his father, who he finds intolerable. His idea: switch murders. Bruno will kill the tennis player's wife, and the tennis player will kill Bruno's father. Guy thinks it's all a joke, but when his wife turns of strangled to death, he's caught in a deal he never wanted a part of.

Classic Hitchcock. Suspenseful, funny at times, and dark. This is somewhat early Hitchcock, so we're not treated to the technical excellence that features so prominently in movies of his like North by Northwest or Rear Window. Very good.

Black and white, and with an amazing climax.

(Interesting note: Hitchcock cut two versions of this movie, one for the US and one for Britain. In the UK version, Bruno's homoerotic tendencies are more prominent, and the final scene is altered somewhat. This is only notable because Hitchcock almost never altered his movies, sticking very closely to the storyboarded versions created before shooting.)

"I could always live in my art, but not in my life."

2006-08-04T15:05:43Z

Like a lot of people my age, I have had a difficult time figuring out what I want to do with myself. I lived overseas for a year, floundered around for a few months, and now I have a 9-5 job that I like. I'm happy with the decisions I've made so far, but that still doesn't really satisfy me for the long term.

I considered law school (see a few posts back), but ultimately I don't feel like it's really for me. In a conversation with HA the other day, I was reminded of an idea that I was totally in love with several years ago--graduate school for American studies with the intention of teaching at the college level.

I thought about graduate school in terms of history, government, and English, but all those bored me. American studies is different for me because it has a wider scope--history, government, sociology, literature, and others are all included in the field. The idea of being able to study culture and pop culture, families, religion, and literature as a life pursuit gives me a hard-on.

This seems different compared to law school financially because of the possibility of grants and fellowships. I feel like if I do well enough on the exam, and apply for every single opportunity I can, I could get through this with very little debt.

I'm studying for the GRE right now and will probably take it in October or November. I'll apply to UT of course, but I'm also considering Michigan, UCLA, and others.

Last night I watched My Dinner with Andre, a movie that Roger Ebert called "the only movie entirely devoid of cliches." What a great movie. The movie is basically just a conversation over dinner between two men (Wallace Shawn and Andre Gregory). Andre has just had a very unique few years which have changed his outlook on life entirely, and Wallace Shawn is more of a straight man who is quite content with his life for the most part. They discuss theater, relationships, commercialism, and other interests with results that range from amusing to heartbreaking.

At one point I started thinking about my own relationship with HA (which has only been around for about four or five months now), and relationships in general. I don't know if I love her, but I do care about her a great deal already. Love, for me, has never come immediately. (The only time in my life that I consider myself to have been really in love, I didn't realize it until six months into the relationship.) Sometimes I feel this desperate desire to be by myself: to read, to watch movies, to write, to make music--sometimes just to be alone. Does being in a relationship mean that you don't have much time to yourself?

I spoke to Joey this week and he commiserated his feelings on not having much time to himself since being married. "Even just to sit around and do the crossword," he said.

As I was thinking about HA, I thought about how schizophrenic my thoughts about our relationship sometimes are. There's no doubt to me that she's a polarizing person--she can be so enthusiastic and exciting that I sometimes think that I never want to be apart from her. But on other occasions she comes off as demanding or needy, and I briefly wonder what I'm doing there. The latter feelings come much less often than the former, of course, but I still wonder how much of those feelings have to do with me and how much of them have to do with her.